PLEASE TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96
live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a
bath. She puts her foot in and pauses... She yells to the
other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year
old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She
starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or
down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure
hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the
elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the
steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she
cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the
way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard.." He
says, "She got in the back-seat by mistake.."
CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March
day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the
second man replied, "It's Thursday..." And the third man chimed
in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
A little old lady was running up and
down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up
the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex.." She walked up to an
elderly man in a wheelchair Flipping her gown at him, she said,
"Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally
answered, "I'll take the soup."
older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling
asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She
said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get
back to sleep.. A few moments later she said: "Then you used
to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck
on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later
she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck." Angrily, he threw
back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?"
"To get my teeth!"
AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched
fist in the air and announces," Anyone who can guess what's in my hand
can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear
shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close
ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had
shared all kinds of activities and ventures. Lately, their activities
had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at
the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.. I know we've been
friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've
thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what
your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three
minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How
soon do you need to Know?"
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway,
his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently
warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going
the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please
be careful!" "Hell," said Herman , "It's not just one car.. It's
hundreds of them!"
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to
an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on
through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself
"I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a
red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another
intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went
right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure
that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing
it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure
enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned
to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a
row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to
her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"