- At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a
glass container." (Have you ever seen "someone in a glass
- On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted
to the full extent of the law, 'Sisters of Mercy'." NO COMMENT!
- On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same
spot." (Gee, by now you'd think they'da gotten that spot off!)
- In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but
- In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed." ("So,
where am I supposed to have a baby delivered?")
- In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning
- In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"
(WHO would want to prevent mental health?)
- On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the
- On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest
possible prices, and workmanship."
- At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized
personnel." (The sign should read "Unauthorized Personnel Restricted
- On a display of "I love you only" Valentines -- "Available in
- In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife.
Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
- In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."
- On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"
- In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated
when you can come here?"
- In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."
- In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to
leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished." NO
- In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking
flowers from any but their own graves." (That sounds fair to me!)
- On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without
- On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is
- Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read
this, it's time to wash your car."
- And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise
untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says, "Do not throw
stones at this sign." (Perhaps the sign prefers empty beer