Daffynitions D-G

When Frank Ball was a kid learning English, he wasn’t always clear on the meaning of words. In a business he noticed a sign Off-ice, and wondered if this place was warmer or colder than an ice house. His dad drove a Ply-mouth, and he wondered what eating had to do with automobiles. As an adult, he has learned to appreciate the application of words to unexpected meanings.

Here are his favorites:

Damnation — A principality sustained by hydroelectric power — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 6 October 2010)
Delay — Past-tense form of de-lie — (Frank Ball, 26 May 2012)
Demystify — Use the intermittent setting on your windshield wipers —(B.C. by Johnny Hart, 05 February 2011)
Denial — Where pharaoh’s daughter found debaby Moses — (Frank Ball, 17 May 2011)
Disdain — A spot that won’t come out with just soap and water — (Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 27 October 2010)
Divining Rod — A device used to locate holy water — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 16 April 2011)
Dogmatic — When your mutt barks at anything that moves — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 27 January 2012)
Dormant — An insect whose diet consists of Ramen noodles and Fritos — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 25 August 2010)
Double Jeopardy — Renewing marriage vows (Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich, 30 May 2013)
Downsizing — How you measure goose feathers — (Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 17 December 2010)
Dromedary — Milk cows booked for a Chick-Fil-A commercial (Frank Ball, 15 October 2013)
Dry Spell — Harry Potter’s hangover cure — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 31 August 2010)
Dumbstruck — A guy who installs his trampoline under a ceiling fan — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 26 September 2009)
Dyspepsia — Ability to read the letters on a Pepsi can backward — (One Big Happy by Rick Detorie, 22 August 2009)
Egypt — When you get ripped off online — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 26 November, 2011)
Electricity — Metro area where a politician announces his or her candidacy — (Frank Ball, 4 February 2013)
Elocution — Speaking as if one’s finger has touched a light socket — (Frank Ball, 22 March 2013)
Emergency Contact — What ‘one-eyed Willy’ keeps under his eye patch — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 15 March 2011)
Eminent Domain — The Pope’s website (B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 21 September 2013)
Eschew — What you do before you eswallow — (Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 22 December 2010)
Esplanade — To attempt an explanation while drunk — (Believed to be from a Washington Post contest)
Eternity — From now until Christmas — (Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 14 December 2012)
Eureka — What an Italian wife exclaims upon her husband’s return from a garlic festival — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 19 February 2009)
Executive Suite — Expensive candy — (B.C. by Mastroianni & Hart, 8 December 2012)
Explains — Where big cities now stand. — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 15 October 2011)
Fandango — What to do when Dango gets heat stroke. — (B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 12 January 2013)
Fast Food — What you can eat during Lent — (Frank and Ernest by Bob Thaves, 25 February 2012)
Fibula — A little lie — (Cartoon circulating on the Internet)
Fiendish Plot — A vegetable garden comprised of only Brussels sprouts (B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 18 January 2014)
Fixed Income — A handyman’s means of support — (Frank Ball 27 October 2012)
Fixed Income — What a cheating bookie lives on (B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 8 February 2014)
Flabbergasted — Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained — (Believed to be from a Washington Post contest)
Flamethrowers — Chili food fight — (B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 23 February 2013)
Flatulence — Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller — (Believed to be from a Washington Post contest)
Free Press — When your mom irons your trousers — (Cartoon circulating on the Internet)
Gatorade — Social Security for alligators — (Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 25 March 2011)
Gettysburg — A toddler’s name for a spaghetti burger — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 5 September 2002)
Grand Opening — When the first bid is a thousand dollars — (Frank and Ernest by Bob Thaves, 12 February 2012)