Daffynitions A-C

When Frank Ball was a kid learning English, he wasn’t always clear on the meaning of words. In a business he noticed a sign Off-ice, and wondered if this place was warmer or colder than an ice house. His dad drove a Ply-mouth, and he wondered what eating had to do with automobiles. As an adult, he has learned to appreciate the application of words to unexpected meanings.

Here are his favorites:

Abdicate — Give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach — (Believed to be from a Washington Post contest)
Agnostic — One who knows a lot about agriculture (Frank Ball, 15 October 2013)
Air Brakes — How a bird makes a soft landing — (Frank Ball, 28 July 2011)
Air Brakes — What Michael Phelps takes between strokes — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 28 July 2011)
Alliteration — A country with nowhere to put its trash — (Frank Ball, 9 June 2011)
Antimatter — The wife of Uncle Matter — (Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise & Lance Aldrich, 3 June 2012)
Appeal — What’s left after you eat a banana — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 12 April 2011)
Appeal — What you don’t want to step on after eating a banana (Frank Ball, 15 October 2013)
Arbitrator — Arby’s employee who goes to work for a competitor (Frank Ball, 15 May 2013)
Archenemy — Flat feet (Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly, 31 March 2014)
Asphalt — The donkey is to blame — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 20 February 2010)
Association — A donkey’s social network (Frank Ball, 13 January 2014)
Assonance — Speech that is unbecoming to a donkey — (Frank Ball, 7 March 2011)
Asteroids — A painful posterior relieved by Preparation A (Frank Ball, 1 September 2013)
Avoidable — What people do at the Running of the Bulls (Frank Ball, 1 July 2013)
Avoidable — How to survive a bullfight (B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 23 July 2013)
Axiomatic — A machine that chops down trees all by itself — (Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 12 December 2010)
Babbling Brook — What Brook becomes after her second glass of wine — (B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 26 January 2013)
Balderdash — A rapidly receding hairline — (Believed to be from a Washington Post contest)
Barbarism — Getting my hair cut against my will — (Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 6 May 2010)
Barnstorm — When clouds form in the silo — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 26 October 2012)
Base Metal — What John Paul Jones uses to restring his instruments — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 2 August 2011)
Behind — The posterior of honey-makers — (Frank Ball, 29 October 2011)
Benign — What you are after you be eight — (Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 18 February 2010)
Bluetooth — Condition that occurs when your dentist attempts to answer the cell phone during a routine filling — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 28 January 2010)
Broadcast — An all-female theater production — (B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 9 February 2013)
Brussels Sprouts — Belgian kindergarteners — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 15 May 2010)
Buckshot — Rudolph’s preferred libation — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 23 December 2011)
Bulldozer — Matador with a tranquilizer gun — (Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 11 January 2011)
Burglarize — What a crook must use to decide what to steal (Frank Ball, 15 May 2013)
Butter — A habitual contrarian — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 17 November 2012)
Byproduct — A manufacturer’s desperate plea to customers (B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 27 April 2013)
Caesarean Section — The neighborhood around the emperor’s palace — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 9 June 2012)
Camelot — Where one must go to purchase a used dromedary — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 20 September 2002)
Campaign Promise — Something that repeats itself every four years — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 15 September 2012)
Canned Ham — Actor fired for overplaying his part (Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly, 31 October 2013)
Capital Punishment — Texting in all lower case — (Frank Ball, 9 October 2010)
Carburetor — Vending machine for foods high in sugar and starch (Frank Ball, 13 January 2014)
Cardboard — The group that makes decisions about poker rules — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 25 June 2011)
Carpe Diem — Fish of the Day — (Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 8 October 2010)
Carpool — Facility for drive-in sunbathing — (Frank Ball, 9 October 2010)
Chili Dog — A Mexican hairless on an Alaskan vacation — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 23 June 2012)
Chiropractors — People who live in the city near the pyramids — (The Middletons by Ralph Dunagin and Dana Summers, 14 May 2011)
Circumvent — An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men — (Believed to be from a Washington Post contest)
Claustrophobic — Someone with a paranoid fear of bearded men in red suits — (Frank Ball, 25 December 2010)
Club Sandwich — Food for members only — (Frank Ball, 23 October 2010)
Cluster Bomb — Re-release of all six Rocky movies in 3-D (B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart, 7 May 2013)
Coffee — The person upon whom one coughs — (Believed to be from a Washington Post contest)
Cold Cuts — Ice hockey tryouts — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 1 December 2012)
Congress — The opposite of Progress (Frank Ball, 13 January 2014)
Conscience — What hurts when everything else feels great — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 27 July 2012)
Console — Fish special at Southeast County Penitentiary — (B.C. by Mastroianni & Hart, 23 March 2013)
Contest — A parole hearing — (B.C. by Johnny Hart, 24 January 2009)
Control Freak — One who uses four remotes to get one good show on TV (Frank Ball, 1 September 2013)
Cornish —Kinda like corn, but not quite —(B.C. by Johnny Hart, 23 October 2010)
Countdown — When nothing seems to add up — (B.C. by Mastroianni & Hart, 10 March 2013)
Counterfeiter — Kitchen granite installer (Frank Ball, 1 July 2013)
Country Bumpkin — What farmers attach to the front of their tractors to absorb crashes (Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly, 20 January 2014)
Crankcase — A lawsuit for no apparent reason — (Shoe by Chris Cassatt & Gary Brookins, 14 June 2010)
Critical Mass — A hell-fire-and-brimstone church service — (Frank Ball, 25 January 2013)
Cross Training — Management by intimidation — (Frank Ball, 27 January 2013)
Cuisine — Tests in booklet form — (Frank Ball, 3 February 2011)