a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one
turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm
just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
Like a newborn baby!?'
No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left
the table and went into the kitchen. The
two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to
a new restaurant and it was really great... I would recommend it
The other man said, 'What is the name of the
first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of
that flower you give to someone you love? You
know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
you mean a rose?'
that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen
and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to
love this one!
in their ninetiesare
both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the
doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want
to start writing things down to help them remember… Later
that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will
you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at
his feet, who insisted he didn't
need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules
being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On
the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I
don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing
out of her hospital gown.'
you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she
'No, I can remember it.'
I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it
down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl
of ice cream with strawberries.'
also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
down?' she asks.
he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice
cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness
he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man
returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and
eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'
senior citizen said
to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Do I know her?'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
she have lots of money?'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
she can still drive!'
are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me
four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's
answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.
couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're
really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said,
Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart
murmur; be careful.'
more. . .!
little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly,
painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who
could use a good laugh.