My name is Samuel Levit. I customized my name because people made remarks about me being related to the furniture company Sam Levitz. My son is named Odus. Don’t ask me to explain his name the story is too complex. Odus likes music. The other day he told me he had written the song of songs. He acts like it’s the next big hit, but it left me only lukewarm. I hope he finds something else to do. I also have a daughter named Diana. She is looking so hard for a job. A Diahann Brewster called yesterday to interview my daughter. Two women, with basically the same first name, talking together on the phone, that was a most confusing conversation let me tell you! The Brewsters own a tax preparation service next door to the Francophile Monastery. Father Eugene, Sister Mary Francis, and Johnson & Johnson are clients of theirs. Father Eugene is from Romanshire, Northern Ireland. He said he studied Greek in Corinth. I answered that he is a real pro! Verbs and nouns in the Greek are difficult to learn.
I asked Mr. Brewster for tax advice. He said that tips, alms, and donations were deductible, I just need a receipt. My brother Philipp asked if travel expenses were deductible. He just came back from the Holy land. He toured Judea. The tour guide, Timothy, said that it usually costs a lot of money to take side trips unexpectedly. The tour group had asked if they could see the historic sites of the Galatians, Colossians, and the Thessalonians. The tour guide said no, but the Ephesian site is open. Philipp said a hag gained access to his travel bag. “Philipp,” I answered, “did she get your camera?” He said he had it with him or she would have. Philipp said he would be in a jam, especially with mom, if that lady had taken the camera. That’s because it belongs to her.
Philipp told me about a souvenir shop he visited. He said he saw a pez, rabbi candy dispenser. Imagine that! The woman at the counter was named Lisa. I, ah, think that was her name. Anyway, she told my brother those aren’t the ones she ordered. She had ordered a rabbi statue along with pez dispensers, but the manager, Joe, let the stock boy practice ordering that day. “Do you like them,” she asked. “The company said I can reorder any number should the need arise.” Lisa said the rabbi pez dispenser was endemic; a holy man designed them. I believe the holy man is legitimate, she explained. He has a very mild persona, humble from head to toe.
The souvenir shop has books about the different battles of the Holy Land. One particular book was about Jere, MIA. He went missing about 586 BC. Lamentations over his disappearance could be heard for miles, or so the story goes. I heard it straight from a Lachish citizen. One hemi-Ahmadiyan Muslim was there and he verified the story of Jere. Jerusalem, at the world’s most fought over section of land in human history, has a violent past. According to prophecy, the future doesn’t look good either. My brother Philipp said he had a revelation and everything will turn out fine in the end. He asked me if I believed him. I said, “nope, terminate this charade right now!” He said “It’s the truth, read it for yourself!”
Lisa, the souvenir shop attendant, has a sister who works for the chronicle. She is a photojournalist. Her name is Jo. Nahant, Massachusetts is where she lives, but she travels a lot for the newspaper. Egypt had a big story break last month. The editor wanted the best her paper could send, so they sent Jo. Shu, an Egyptian god of the air, was up in arms over smog in Cairo. All they got was a picture of a dust storm. I think it was a hoax. I told my friend Dan, I eliminated Cairo from my travel itinerary.
Philipp wanted to take a cruise from Finland to Scotland, over Christmas. I protested, “We’ll, freeze!” “Kiel Canal is the way through Denmark,” he said. “It will be fun and I can catch up on my physics paper while we are at sea,” he said. “Now, lets see where did I leave off? Oh yes, the deuteron.” “O, my Philipp. You’re a sick man. A crowd of judges wouldn’t convict me if I tossed you overboard.” Well, we went on the cruise and just like I said, I froze! “Chari! Ahoy, Chari! Wait for me,” a voice said. It was the cruiseline dance instructor. She was late to port and almost missed the ship. The ship’s chef happened to be a college friend of mine, Gilliam Eccles. I, as tester of food, got half price on my cruise tickets for my services. That made the trip more worthwhile. Ship security was provided by the National Intelligence Authority. Zeph, a NIA hand-picked agent, was head of security. H.A. Bakk, Ukrainian composer and conductor, personally headed a shipboard concert on the final day of the cruise. It was the highlight of the trip! Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
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